It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
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new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
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You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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