I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
