Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Define "chronic" masturbator.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
