Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
