drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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