Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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