she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
