My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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