last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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