it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
