when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
