im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
