I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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