she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
