just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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