I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
