just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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