His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
