you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
