My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Vodka?
Forever.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
