Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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