Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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