Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
