Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
