This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
