oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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