I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
