I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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