You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
