She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
