So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
