I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
