i permit you to call me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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