I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize