FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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