we made out on top of his cat.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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