Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
