just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
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are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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