is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
