I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
