I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
