Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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