I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize