I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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