Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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