It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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