So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I lost the right to judge tonight
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
