i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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