Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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