winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Drake has all the answers
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
