I have demons in me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
