What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
