im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
