there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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