The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
