I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
