So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
