she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
