i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
