It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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