So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
