So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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