about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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