My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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