This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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