Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
