The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
