Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
