u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
