Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
