I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
