WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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