He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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