I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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