i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
