and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
