this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
