dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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