life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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