He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So much rum. So many feels.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
