He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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