I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
