I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
