i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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