What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
