you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
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It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
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IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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