I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
